The Simran to my Raj
The Simran to my Raj
DDLJ was never my favourite and I somehow had a hunch it wasn’t yours too. I mean the overbearing Raj, the docile Simran and come to think of it that Indian ladki’s virginity wala scene where Raj pretends Simran has lost her virginity even with my limited senses then I failed to find it funny. But it was a rage in our times. Yes, of course, I had watched it and also watched you standing in the long queue since morning to watch the afternoon show bunking classes, of course!
Yes, how I came to know? Well, I sailed the same boat as well! Was that the first time I noticed you…it might just be that. Nah, I think you know that… you, make-up, and style were far apart, also, that rolling of eyes, things girls do on the verge of adolescence, you weren’t privy to anything like that at all.
Crystal clear eyes, amusing laugh, underconfident at times yet firm…I think my buddies caught me staring at you one fine day and you know how it was, they’d hoot when you passed by. I wasn’t sure if I disliked that, at least you’d know I exist but was scared of the formidable you as well.
From the DDLJ day, how much I claimed I did not like the movie but somehow, I knew my Simran would be someone like you or if I could dare it would be you. I had my eyes on you in the dark theatre as well where I knew you wouldn’t spot me. But my gang and yours had some common friends and we ended up in the same row. Ah yes, you were very far from me, but you were not aware of me, hence you were natural with your friends. And my band of hooligans did not get wind of my crush then, in fact, I was not aware as well. But within a few days my eyes must have given up, so my friends, your friends and I believe you also…huh, I was a big laughingstock. You could be the Meg Ryan of When Harry met Sally, you could be the Jaya Bhaduri of Mili, naa leave her, she dies of cancer, you could be Juhi Chawla from Hum Hain Rahi Pyar Ke…or maybe just the Simran! Yes, I didn’t know much about you but from a firebrand to an introvert you could be anything. Would you watch the football with me…yeah, I’m asking too much!
I didn’t know how to go about it. In our time only smart guys and pretty girls went on dates. The average ones just fretted! And the hooting wasn’t helping much either. Once or twice, I got you alone but you passed me by without even flinching once bursting my bubble as badly as you can!
I didn’t have much time, after twelfth if I go off somewhere how would I find you! Staring at you wasn’t helping much either, yes you did hold my gaze once. I just stood dead in my tracks…your eyes they were… come to think of it your eyes are still beautiful, transparent, mesmerizing. You averted them in a moment but the damage was done. I was so lost, so wanted to be near you, speak to you. Well finally I got you alone, physics department, you were without those two shadowings and for a change your eyes were soft, the face wasn’t formidable almost shy. I had stood in your way said Hi, and held your eyes. I had no idea what to say, yes, I have rehearsed umpteen times.
‘Do you want to say something ‘ you came to my rescue breaking the awkward silence.
‘Can we meet outside college?’
We had decided on a cafe and a time for the next day. That was our first official date. I was so sure you wouldn’t say ‘yes’, I mean all right you only said yes to coffee but a yes all right! That was our first date, the beginning of many dates that followed! A beginning to many phone calls and perhaps the most beautiful period of my life. Our colleges were different for graduation and so were our cities. But we connected, and fell in love, yes, we were difficult at times but we were sailing through.
Soon we’d get our degrees, placement and then…yes, I kept giving you hints. That you were such a free bird scared the wits out of me, was I good enough, was I just enough for you? Sometimes there was a distance I couldn’t scale; you seemed so far off. The harder I tried, the more distant you got!
Would an Indian wedding bind you to me, I was clueless. We settled in our careers as you wished, you were mine in all aspects, the wedding date I almost coaxed you to agree to. Finally, things seemed in order…yes, we had dated and slept together but now things would be as real as I wanted. Only sometimes I wondered did you want this as well!
The more I tried to bind you, it seemed to me the more you wished to tear apart! What was it you wanted, why do I always feel I wasn’t what you were looking for?
The wedding day neared and more jittery I felt. You were all right, happy, chirpy…was it my imagination! But it was always me running after you and you just maybe, you couldn’t say no, did it amount to a yes? That was when I jotted down the outright silly email and booked myself train tickets to the hills. I wanted to set you free and then so wished to watch you come to me. Like the overbearing hamming Raj, I boarded the train so wishing for once you’d do the Simran and run stretching your hand towards the train, holding the ludicrous lehenga with another. By that time, we had mobiles to cut off the drama, which I was checking frantically for your message.
My phone rang after the train crossed the station and my inbox was flooded with angry what’s app texts. No, you didn’t hop into the train much I’d have loved you too. I got down in the next station because you shrieked and implored and were hysterical. Was I happy…was that what I wanted.
Well, we tied the knot on the stipulated date. We loved, fought, and had kids and I believe I still love you. I can see you arguing with the girls, gossiping with our domestic help, and laughing with me in between. And sometimes you did watch football with me.
I wasn’t wrong…you were the Simran to my Raj, Anjali to Rahul, Chandni to Amit! Huh, I was such a Yash Chopra, Karan Johar sucker! Nah you are the answer to my questions, love for my soul, mother to our girls…. maybe that’s why people laugh I’m still mad about you! I am and I still wonder sometimes if I am good enough for you! Would you jump into the train after me…. or drag me off with you. I am ok either way!
Soma Bhattacharjee