JAMMED

I was cussing almost audibly! That’s what the maddening Delhi traffic does to you! Pressed accelerator harshly, to zero in on the few inches of space ahead, honked in an uncivilized manner at the cab trying to sneak in! Huh if I look at myself, the small-town girl has acquired all the Delhi traits but yet another late night to office. Should I text baldy, my boss, sure now I can’t make it on time, not even fifteen minutes after time! I was exasperated, this was the scenario in every night shift while commuting to the office! The mad fiasco for long-long stretches, moving at snail’s pace, switching off the ignition for some time, switching on only to wade inches ahead! This was sick! Entire covid period what the heck they did, seems all construction were in haywire now! Who is listening? Who would listen? I flipped the FM channel on the steering wheel…yaado ka shehar with Neelesh Misra…

His voice soothed me somehow, I typed a text to baldy, well almost copied and pasted like other days! Well, baldy follows the same route to the office, feel like wailing, what time he gets out of the house I wonder! I rolled down the glass for a whiff of polluted air, car was at standstill, how long would I keep the air-conditioner on? I took my eyes off from the window when my eyes caught his. The wait was this…? I scanned the car on my side once again, this time we looked into each other, an entire spectrum of emotions played on his face, I guess in mine too! I was out of reverie by a car honking wildly behind, I pulled forward as my brain was doing a supersonic flashback…Anupam! What was he doing here?

Anupam, me our teenage flashed superfast – his eyes, looking at me, pleading me. I tried to locate his cab as I was staggering in the mishmash, I needn’t worry much as I had to press the brakes and halt again in the infinite swarm of traffic. I was scanning towards my right for him and almost jumped as there was a knock in the glass towards my left.

‘Let me in ‘ Anupam was knocking.
‘Anupam!’ I rolled down my glasses trying to find what to say!
‘Unlock baba before I get smashed’
Fiddling I unlocked the car, as he got in. I couldn’t believe he had climbed on with me!
‘You will drop me at the airport. Won’t you?’ He sounded convinced, well almost. ‘That’s where you work, right?’
I nodded. Teenage memories doing a massive somersault, did I love Anupam? I mean, where we ended up. Did we ever kiss? We had and it was horrendous, I bit my lip smiling at the memory. Well, it was my first kiss…!

I saw Anupam was staring at me…

‘I don’t believe; you are sitting beside me in this crazy traffic’ I mumbled.

‘And I don’t believe you are driving!’ He let out a laugh, ‘I mean you…you couldn’t even cycle!’

I glared at him…,’ Do you have a flight to catch, have you checked your ticket, my office is at T3, check your terminal.’

‘As if I’m going to not miss the flight.’ He looked at his mobile unwillingly ‘ T2’

‘Ok on my way ‘ I assured him, ‘ But jumping onto my car, like this, I stared at him now. Looked at his face, he looked well almost good from the gawky teenager without any flesh in bones, to this almost handsome confident one!

‘Yeah, even I’m thinking how I dared!’

For some moments we did not speak, as I sauntered through the traffic, Neelesh Misra going on in radio! We did not know what to speak – our little colony, little houses, walking to school, exchanging books, audio cassettes, and everyone knew Anupam liked me. I did too, we read, discussed, I could listen to Anupam’s playlist from my house, I could stare at him from my study table… Did I like him…?

Well, I was young, almost pretty, liking Anupam wasn’t on my cards and I liked his attention. I was aware of our chemistry, I gave him Gorky’s Mother after I finished reading, I was barely fourteen, he sixteen maybe!

‘I wanna be Pavel’ he told me, then added slowly, ‘You Sasha…!’ he held my eyes, ‘We will change the world’.

My heart had skipped a beat, I think that’s when he kissed, rather tried to kiss me!

Was he my boyfriend, when did we break up, eons back I couldn’t arrange all the facts in order! It was me I guess besotted by smart guys, different colleges…had moved on. Anupam wasn’t my neighbour anymore. He did try to keep in touch, I was a bit oblivious. Was it Sharad in my life then? Damn…what’s the point!

I tried to exchange pleasantries, kids, spouse, jobs! The conversation wasn’t smooth, I mean what was expected.

‘Should I be guilty Anupam.?.’ my eyes were on the road, ‘ I have the feel’, I said uneasily.

‘You should be, I wanted to change the world with you’ He chuckled softly.

‘I missed you Anupam’ I didn’t look at him, ‘I never knew whom to talk to about books, about poetry..about music..you know that…’

Did I miss him…? As I climbed the stairs of success, was lured into the world. I could hear Anupam, pleading with me to stop, to listen, I had no time for the gawky boy whom everybody made fun of!

‘I know’ he said quietly.

‘Why didn’t you…’

‘Told you that I loved you and we are into each other, we would be’ He completed for me, ‘ I think I did…be my Sasha’ he laughed, ‘And the hopeless kiss’.

I laughed too, embarrassed.

‘You used to write to me…then mail me, finally stopped at short texts’.

Traffic was a bit smooth now, so was our conversation. We crossed Gurgaon to enter Delhi, I speeded up remembering baldie’s face. Car was moving through the city now towards the airport.

‘We would visit villages, remote villages, we would work, work for all’ His words echoed through my teens and youth!

He was getting down now, assembled his belongings.

‘Anupam…’ I shouted.

‘Yes!’ He was checking his wallet, mobile.

‘We can still change the world…’ I forced a smile…’In a few years, I will retire, kids are busy. You can still be Pavel …we will go to those distant villages’ I could not believe what I was saying.

‘Go to your boss now’ Anupam laughed.

‘If you ever turn up, we will change the world’, He smiled before turning towards the terminal.

I scurried towards my office. If I ever slackened my pace. I could have heard Anupam. Was there any regret…? Nah regret wasn’t my thing..!

I pulled up at the parking lot and rushed towards the elevator!

Soma Bhattacharjee

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